I have never in my life ever blog before ever.....
With that said I really want to share with you guys my world, my thoughts what goes through my head, Ill start at the very fucking beginning and I write this as if Im talking to you in person.
I have a brother and sister, and they are a major part of this story too and really I dont even like to open up like this at all! So why I do this I have no idea but heres goes nothing..
So growing up for me was pretty typical, we are a mid class family in a mid class neighborhood. When my brother and sister were around my parents were cool, but they are older and went off to college my parents changed they started fighting alot!! The fights were bad sometimes but never called the cops just tried my best to calm them down, this went on from when I was 8 to when i was 11-12. My dad decided to leave my house at about when I was 9, and he didnt want to but I understood he had to the fights were insane, he was consistently getting hurt by items thrown at him, my dad never ever laid a hand on my mom, I dont know how he didnt sometimes but I give him credit to this day for holding back. When he left my mom got worse started seeing a doctor that gave here xanax and a whole bunch of other shit that made her fucking weird man. She did calm down finally and the fights would be on and off for years, I think the worst it got for me is when my mom stabbed my dads hand to the counter and the weird thing was he didnt call the cops he didnt even tell the truth, we went to the hospital had surgery and got him not a word was mention of this after not even to my brother or sister we kind of just kept it amongst us.
During this whole time my grandmother and uncle were always talking to me and started to feel bad I honestly just wanted the fighting to stop and go back to being normal, but I noticed that everyone in my family felt bad for me, so I took advantage of it and started getting literally everything I ever wanted. So I myself started not paying attention til one day I heard a huge bang I went upstairs to see my mom on the floor and her pills every where.....she tried killing herself and a few times after that till i called my sister one day and told her to come home and witness this and she did and it was crazy for the day and the next day we called the cops i didnt want to at all but she did so we did.
So now my mom is off in the hospital my dad is doing his thing, When my dad left I stood with him on tuesdays and everyother weekend and fuck were those weekends fun. I found out that my dad owned bars, clubs and restaurants throughout brooklyn, ny. So I convinced him to let me help out and he did and me being the owner son people loved me, girls went crazy over me, im the owners lil son, and the memories I had with my dad his friends were just amazing at that age i shouldnt be in the places but I am. I didnt drink but I had fun watching them and smoking weed and cigarettes, then i started working at the front door with the bouncer now that made it even more fun, the things people did to get into some of my dads place was funny, and the bouncer later on in life i found out he liked i guess underage boys so of course he had me kissing girls left and right and doing all sorts of shit with them and like watching but why would i care im messing with girls I in my head never thought in my right mind would be kissing etc etc etc.
Then one night the cops came in ID everyone now the problem arose im not suppose to be in there working nor obviously as a customer so after alot of back and forth I was allowed to bar back or be the ice boy from the basement, So i started bringing my sega gensis and playstation to his bars when I worked and i played for hours!!! Then one day I did a stock list for my dad and noticed he had no idea what he actually had in inventory, once i realized that a light went off in my head that I can sell bottles and cases for whatever I wanted there FREE!! lol, so I started doing that and within a week had 2500 cash and was amazed at the type of money at the time, I felt powerful like I can do whatever I wanted, so I did, I bought something else flipped that and now had 6000 and so then it began, here I am the young age i was and had what I felt at the time was everything. So I did what my dad taught me best always make money..
During all this my mom was in and out of hospitals, my family is still buying me things because they feel bad, my sister is still home with me, my dad lives else where, my brother is becoming a high paying surgeon and we are moving along, til the day my mom and sister search my room and bang they seen what I feared would happen for a while the found my stash and my stashes werent small at that point, they confronted me I said it was someone else paid a friend to come take the heat and find a new hiding place....so now my parents are watching me so I decided can I invite my friends to chiill and sleep over and play video games, remember we didnt have online so to play like we do now we had to have a group over and alot of stupid networking knowledge that my friends father did lol, i feel alseep early and these lil bastards robbed my house and my families jewelry, ok steal my stuff fine, i got u, steal my families stuff and now its war, so i robbed there houses back all of them in one night! I wait about a month i think not sure maybe more and I grab one another of my friends that is over 18 and we started pawning the jewelry, in all i ended up with 9k on the last pawn shop we get arrrested and a whole world of shit opens up.
So in result I ended up at 12-13 yrs old getting sent to spofford juv correctional for a month then, my lawyer tells me he had an idea start blaming drugs and they will recommend drug rehab so I did, in the mist of my court case my grandmother randomly accuses me of stealing here jewelry, guys I didnt mention this yet but my grandmother was my best friend my whole life I would never do anything at all to hurt her ever so when she accuses me I broke down and thought maybe I did when I was fucked up one night but I never got that fucked up I always had to walk home and the walk sucked fucked up so I basically said that, the cops took it as a confession and off I went to daytop drug rehab and I did good I wasnt as bad as these kids I made more money then actually intake of the drug which was only weed anyway so these kids were on some other shit. I learned alot though being there it made me smarter both in good and bad ways.
Then a call came one day while I was at the poughkeepsie house, that my grandmother found her jewelry she forgot she moved it to the safety deposit box, and bang within hours i was released and on my way home, for my first dish of pasta I had in months and fuck was it good!!
But the good turned ugly quick when I was looking for something I hid before I left GONE!!!! My money and stash was gone what the fuck was I going to do, my sister at this time now lived in brooklyn so I went there and asked her, and she told my mom had been stealing from me the whole time which i honestly didnt care but then she stole my stash and would consistently yell at me and flush it down the toilet, so lets put this in perspective, here I am making alot of money to do whatever with, I mean i was buying things my family drooled over and I got them stuff to so no one bitched, but here she is accepting my gifts, taking money, then finding my stash yelling at me, and flushing it down the toilet meanwhile everyone in my house smokes weed, does that make sense? NO!
So I flip out and confront everyone and got everyone on the same page, started doing it again til I met this girl and she was hot in my eyes so I kept on going at here trying to get her to chill and we finally did and slowly I won her over and she became my gf and all I wanted to do was impress her, so I did, I even stopped doing what i was doing and started working on the NYSE floor, got fired from there, and got a job as a retail stock broker right at the beginning of the tech bubble, the ride that was, truely was amazing, Ill never forget its May 15th pay day our biggest checks ever, i get mine, im sweating I know it has to be huge, I open it, 350K omfg Im 19 yrs old and just for handed a 350k check, I run home to my mom which is literally blocks away and show her she starts crying cause in her eyes i did it, well i did and i went nuts, we did everything we wanted, by the end of the summer we blew all the money, my whole office was broke, I ended up with at least the house I grew up in some of the other kids just blew it and ended up with nothing but stories!
The tech bubble ended, my gf at the time hates me because i became a big dick because i thought who i was, and everything started to crumble, the business we once had was reduced to nothing pennies to the dollar alot cashed out when we did, so we literally were back to square one, we couldnt even pay the rent, so we moved the office and for 18 months we NO check, I couldnt even get home some nights and slept in the office, my gf at the time i have no idea what she was doing but i was in my own little hell.
Right around Christmas time one of my friend got a xbox 360 and he invited me over I wasnt working no income at all so I kind of just lingered around looking for a job as a stock broker, I went to his house and played idk what but I thought it was cool, so for Christmas 2006 i asked for a xbox 360 and Gears of War and Xmas day got it and played and enjoyed but still looked for a job then I get a call its my old my boss he asks if I need work I do, couple of weeks later im working again we are flowing with leads, he is helping me with money and giving me a weekly paycheck so I buy rainbow six vegas now i remember the old RS games with that fucking map on PC I hated that fucking map!! Also I was horrible at PC i always tried and just could never seem to get it, WHOMP WHOMP! I played the campaign and was like ok cool fun, gfx r fucking amazing, then my friend calls me and says let play MP at first im like no i know ill get my ass handed to me but he convinces me cause there is a room full of my friends, so i join and OMFG it was fun as shit!!
I couldnt stop playing I didnt show up to work for days before my boss came over and I showed him and he was like why dont u look for tournaments to play in, when I was younger like IDK 10 maybe I walked to blockbuster video to rent a game and came out with the mortal kombat arcade because of a local tournament blockbuster was holding, so I did and also went back to work, I found GB and MLG and loved it could stop reading about esports i was amazed how i missed this and didnt see it, I show my boss and he see's the same thing i see a growing sport and industry even though a very small sub industry. I write a couple of forum post as a F/A and next thing you know im in a gamebattles match and FML i sucked badly had no idea what I was doing, and i became back up of the back up which in my eyes was like the water boy, but i noticed alot of teams had coaches, I helped coach and coached my roller hockey team when on the TOURS circuit and I enjoyed it more then playing. I remember the teams name they ECM - East Coast Mafia, so i asked them they liked the idea, I figured why not just sponsor the team so theres no issues, so I did got the shirts, got the plane tickets got the room the team pass, I was soooo excited i couldnt wait, we were scrimming I was learning alot the weekend of the first mlg tournament for RSV half the team shows up and Im just flawed by the fact they didnt show up so now i have to find 2 kids to play so i did, and i told everyone that do there best because I know that this team isnt going to last but do your best and who knows you might end up on a really better team.
I coach my ass off, help corridinate plays, get the kids communicating and just tried to stand out as best and as respectfully as possible, I met a few people but nothing crazy I met thought Ninja and Ninjette from Defiance they did really good the first circuit meet so I pitched them to coach them and they said yes after a few weeks I was really impressed so I got my and my dad to sponsor defiance with some pretty cool shirts lol the 2nd meet of the circuit i think we placed top 20 and i felt it was decent enough to go ahead and start writing ot gaming communities and companies etc etc. In the mist of the emails I wrote to vVv gaming and if I remember correctly LJ wrote back and was the nicest response but also made complete sense to me, defience really didnt like the idea but went with it anyway because LJ accepted our app as RSV team, we made one roster change within that and the 3rd meet of the circuit we crapped out, LJ got it out of one of the guys that he was in love etc etc etc and LJ just killed him I did to over some dominos pizza of course, we all bonded and honestly i had a really good time, when we got back defiance split and everyone left vVv except me, I thought why do I have to leave I like it here i found people similiar to myself. So i decided to stick around but coach other RSV teams, the next meet I coached External Exsistence and the were 3rd overall at the time, we even got the whole trip paid for, I show up and snoopy and the other kid r piss drunk and i remember talking to triggerman and me and him decided to fuck it lets see what happens we will do our best and go from there, we did we got like top 20, me and triggerman did our best when we were done we got them even more drunk and told them we are going to stay on the team but look for opportunity else where.
I got home within a day Im in a room with dark zone, triggerman, problemz and jwho and to me this was it, all these kids were top players on different teams and I was the coach that alot of other coaches tried to duplicate and YES mR.X was a player at the time figured I add that cause seeing him on EG i was happy but destroyed me when I seen it, much love but still! I watch these kids and its fucking amazing what they are doing helping set up strats or helping counter and these kids are hitting everything i knew it right at that moment we got this completely. We were destroying team after team after team in scrims just non stop the feeling was just like knew this was the team we go to meet 6 of mlg pro circuit and we get 2nd i noticed as we were playing they were pre firing everyone on of our spots and knew our routes and and couter routes and strats overall, they memorized them, so to counter act that we didnt scrim one pro circuit team for the last meet its the championship fuck that we arent risking anything i never thought months ago Id be here, I was with a last place team and went with it, I never gave up and now we r here this is it, Ill never forget the speeches i made leading to that weekend and before we left i felt like a fucking general i was ready for war i didnt care about anything i was fucking ready.
So were they....
We are in the room parents included and I just couldnt hold back they are all looking at there shirts for the tournament I take them and got white tee shirts and a marker, and start to say why do we need shirts, why do we need to show even sign that we are a 2nd place team! Did we come here for a fashion show or to play game and win fucking money, months ago did we set out for cool shirts and headphones or did we come to win money! Whats the difference between this shirt and this tee shirt when I write New Era on it, they all agreed nothing, we didnt have sponsors we were our own sponsors,
These shirts are irrevelant they make us feel good like we r more then what we are but what we are is a 2nd place team with first place talent, I went to a hockey tournament with some of the worse jerseys and equipment we could find non of us had matching jerseys every team there had all these matching jersey andhockey pants we didnt, and guess what WE WON! Mainly because teams thought we were a joke what they didnt notice was 2 brothers were ice hockey jr usa team members and 2 TOURS roller hockey legends kids but they went by our appearance, when I said that its like it clicked, this was our time not these stupid shirts and from that we won, right before we went on main stage i remember sitting everyone and just saying u know what to do theres nothing more to say except we can win if we focus play like we do everyday just like in baseball when a pitcher is pitching a big game the coach always says its just you and the catcher and I used the same concept different situation here, raised my voice and yelled its our time no one else fuck all these kids we didnt come here for them we didnt play here for this asshole and i pointed at a random kid, and i screamed it i didnt give a fuck we are playing for the championship I seen it in there faces i seen it in these parents faces i seen it in other coaches other players faces i wasnt fucking around neither were they, i remember phobias coach coming up to me and saying hey dont make fun of anything lets keep it clean i laughed said ok and them min we started i went right at them, fuck this kid was he serious do you know what this meant to me and us fuck you, and I didnt stop i did what i was trained to do by my players by the league and I did everything i was allowed i even took respectable low blows at parents just cause i know it stirred emotion up. We won 2 maps if i stand correct and we were down to the last map ill never forget the huddle we took and i just said win this map we are done we did it, all these months all the traveling all the money spent all the stress and the bullshit comes down to this map, you do this we are done, see those camera they are on us, we shine today fellas after this map we go home champions!
1st round it was conquest i cant think of the map but i know jwho, and triggerman hold down this map problemz and darkzone were hti or miss depending on there moods and so forth, round 1 we won going into round 2 all we had to do was hold the conquest 2 of them for or even 3 not fully sure but we had to hold them for 1:27 that was all, the rounds starts we start breaking out the spawn im hopping around like a bunny to lettuce we got 1 point so do they, the push for B is real the kills are coming in our favor we have B all we have to do now is lock down there spawn, im watching the screens to see this form its all going green 49 seconds into that 1:27 we have they locked down im fucking screaming jumping behind the seats lockdown lockdown keep them lockdown, im screaming the seconds we get to 15 seconds and i just right in the ears hetween each head 15 we are done we are champion, i turn to triggerman and since him mom was out there i straight up told him that lady hugging her bag wants this more then u get this fucking done bang 5 seconds i start counting we fucking won they go to drop there controllers i fucking go crazy to finish the match everyone starts laughing triggers mom jumped up so quick her seat flug back, the round ended we went fucking nuts at least i did lol hugging everyone, everyone taking pictures hugging there families then it hit me, Not one person from my family my gf at tt he time no one cared it was like this didnt even exist.
That actually bothered me for a while, I won a baseball state championship when i was younger no one was there my neighbor was there, my hockey tournaments no one was there and now this no one was there wtf, lol but fuck them I did it they all laughed but I did, when I got home, what I thought no one watched no cared and boom they all watched they all cared not at home though with those friend but within here within vVv, and i thought that was interesting all my real friends knew, my mom and my dad knew they didnt care I won, there thing was are you done traveling, its like are you fucking kidding me do I speak french!!
So know we won im excited im trying to get my gf at the time back into our relationship we never broke up just grew apart because of the time consuming of the game and my commitment ot the team and work. A few weeks go by my grandmother goes to the hospital and dies, fucking destroyed me my grandmother had no idea what i was doing and i was going to shower and never got to, remember she was my best friend so i couldnt wait cause she didnt know. The next day was like i knew it was coming just was hoping not at this time.
Its 4am i jut get home from doing IDK what but I turn my computer on to check aol which was not popular at all anymore but i still had friend that used it so i check up on it once and while and a random IM popped up a old friend that wants to talk to me, so I say ok but he wants to come now so know my curiosity gets to me and I tell him to come, he basically tells me my gf is cheating on me and i have been paying for there dates and a vacation which i thought it was funny because when I went to a family dinner her cousin gf said that not her BF but i tried not to think of it. Well I confronted it was true she blamed me playing games and other istuff and bang she was gone so nows its feb 2008 my grandmother dead, my gf is now my xgf with a new bf, i felt like lost everything to playing video games, so i said fuck it i did what i set to do im done. COmpletely disappeared, but always checking in with vVv just to say hello, and to keep tabs.
Fast foward a little but to say 2009 i find a new gf things are back in order, income is plentiful i try to get back into games specifically BO 1 and 2, I found it funny thought that people talk about that here and I never had anyone to play with so i just stopped with the fear of possibly losing my gf over it, keep in mind im fucking unhappy as ever cause im not me, im turning into someone she wants but not who i am. So i guess to ease the pain and urge of wanting to play i get stupid games to play with her i honestly do everything to keep the relationship nothing seems to work but we are still cool. let fast foward even more to recently when i came back, I started play LoL WoW anything you guys played I played because lets face it some of you guys i have been talking to since 2007 and on so some of you became real friends to me. I came back again and still was bitching how my Vs got taken away when I clearly stated ill be back again. SO LJ gave me honorary status which i loved to be honest it was cool not the color but the name lol. Well when I came back I was under the assumption I was having a kid and was extremely excited as I dug through things and just to see I found out that word around is that baby might not be mine after some more digging its true not mine and she had a miscarriage so I give of just leave it alone and forget what I heard and try to work things out, then I get this random message in my PMs on here, if you guys know me I dont answer many PMs, the first few I didnt answer then I finally decided to and when I did, it probably has turned into one of the best friendships I ever had.
It struck me as odd, here I am becoming someone i dont want to be, and doing I can to keep here around which lets face it, for me its not that hard, and here comes someone that is just chill, wants to play and just have company around, during this time, my xgf leaves my house because i got my best friend now laid by a chick i knew, so i get him laid and my gf leaves, wtf is that lol also guess what els im a gamer, keep in mind though i played more games when she first met me, it didnt matter cause we would go out and spend a wad of cash, figures! so when she leaves i really start open up to my new friend and that friend does the same, and the friendship grew to wear i dont what i would if i didnt have them to take to and play games with I dont have to worry about the time i spend playing i can do what i truely enjoy and struggle to beat my friend everytime, but its fun!! I get so intrigue by this person and their story I have to see this in person to see if this is real, i watch catfish i know how to tell LOL, so fuck it i go, and its all true everything, so now i take a step back and think about it, my friend is honest completely with me, even when i pull there card, they convince me enough the proof is there, im blown away this isnt real, but it is! Every situation i ask, anything i say has the exact response i like, wtf how is this possibly that i found someone thats like me with a better shot! I had to put my friend into my hood to see how this goes.
You guys know my dogs barks at everything, my friend i prep about my dog for days "dont worry, her bark is bigger then her bite" my friend walks in the dog looks and goes back to sleep, my dog started to showing old traits of what she used to do with my xgf, wait a min im thinking wtf is that, in my head im thinking bark mothrfucker dont do that, why do that your just mind fucking me. This is what im thinking in my head as im watching my dog interact with my friend, and it fucked me up because we are friend right?
and now here am i today, writing to you...........