I haven't made a blog post in a couple weeks. I know, I know, I said daily. Unfortunately, so many things kept getting in the way and I was able to stick to that. However, here I am, making a new post.
First, I would like to give an update on my progression. I have gotten better, and then fallen off again on my abilities in game. I had gotten to a point where I was killing more than dying and I felt like I had improved a lot. I was getting outcomes of 14 kills and 3 deaths. My teams were winning thanks to me helping out. I wasn't always on top, but we always won. My K/D went from .8 to 1.9, I felt better about my contribution. Then, things started going downhill. I was focusing on my scores again, and things declined. This morning, I played 6 games. My team lost all of them, and I didn't have less than 10 deaths in each matchup. I feel this is due to a multitude of things, but I'm not one to make excuses. I need to quite worrying about my stupid regen requirements, stop worrying about my K/D, and start playing to win again.
My worries, however, may be unfounded, but I'll get to that in a moment. The reason I was worried was due to my want of becoming a pro in Titanfall. I see people wanting to judge skill instead of team play, focusing on things like what gen you are and how good your aim is. My aim is actually not bad, but my decision making is not the greatest in terms of what to do next. I need structure, I need a team environment and a plan to move forward with. I can't be the guy who just runs around with total freedom. That was no more prominent than last Thursdays CGN, where we went 0-4 with myself, Quixitas and several others. We were just completely decimated. It was bad.
We figured it out soon enough...we weren't playing as a team. Everyone was running around trying to get the caps, trying to get the most kills, trying to up their own score. My wanting to prove myself was in full effect, and in turn, I showed that when I am out to make myself look better instead of helping my team win, bad things happen. If there was a way to disable the scoreboard during play, that would be fantastic. I shouldn't worry how many kills I personally have gotten, but need to worry how many more my team needs to win, or how many flag runs, or how many more point caps do we need.
I was in a good mindset for Saturday's CGN. I knew we needed to go in with a plan and stick to it. But then, no one showed up. After about 45 minutes, Oompa showed up, and we played a couple matches, but I think we both were in just a bleh state that we both turned the game off and called it a night. And this is where my unfounded worries came into play.
I have been so set on becoming a pro, on getting to that point. But who is playing on PC right now? There are a few of us, sure, and we are good, especially together. However, is that enough to make a team? Is it enough to change the landscape back? I dunno. I see things posted for the X1 all the time. Team building, rule sets, etc. It seems competitive play, real competitive pro level play, is dead on PC. It's healthy, even thriving in the console world...but I'm not a console player. I'm a PC player. Always have been.
Should I get an X1 and get used to a new style of play? Maybe. But I want to do this on PC. The days of Quake and UT are dead and gone. I can't expect that heyday of a real competitive scene for this style of game anywhere but console.
Now, please understand, I'm not being a Negative Nancy here (did I really just say that?!?) I'm not trying to say that because PC competitive scene is dead that I'm giving up. I'm not. If anything, it makes me want it more. Now I have something more to fight for, a reason to get better. We have a fantastic opportunity to rebuild a dying platform of competitive gaming that has been taken over by MOBA style games (not that there is anything wrong with that ). We have the ability to help build a community that used to thrive. We are starting on the ground floor staring directly at the prize, all we have to do is take it and run.
A sudden realization hit me today. It hit me hard, hard enough to make me double over in pain and bring tears to my eyes. It made me rethink a few things in my life. It made me come to conclusions that will affect not just my gameplay, my aspirations to be a pro, but hell, my life in general.
That realization was my dogs head. She headbutted me. Like, really super hard........in the crotch.
Immediately, I started asking myself questions and pointing fingers.
"Why did this just happen?"
"God she's a stupid dog."
"I should have pushed her away when she got excited..."
"There's no way that should have happened, it was my food and she was being dumb..."
Excuses. All sorts of excuses. I cried, I yelled at my dog for headbutting me in the babymaker, and then I sat down to eat my sandwich, mad at her for ruining my lunch by inflicting what I am pretty sure is severe injury right before I enjoyed my grilled cheese....and it dawned on me. She wasn't to blame...she was being a dog. She smelled grilled cheese, I taunted her and got her excited, and then boom, falcon headbutt.
It was entirely, 100% my fault. I then tried to figure out what I did wrong, then I realized that wasn't important. My nagging incessantness to figure out the why's and how's has ruled me for the majority of my adult life. I must always have an answer. But I didn't realize that at that exact moment, my outlook was changing. I didn't realize the basic lesson I learned here. I don't need to assess the situation, I did something wrong, and now I know not to do it again.
Since I started playing FPS games again, I have been on and off when it comes to good play. I can have four terrible outings in a row where I am getting creamed, taken at every corner, standing in wide open spots. And I blame everything.
"I just sank an entire clip into that guy! How did I not kill him?"
"Man, I should of just wall jumped out of that room instead of duking it out."
"C'mon, my crosshairs where RIGHT ON THAT GUY!!!!"
All excuses. I'm sure if you have been with me on Mumble, you've heard one of these, or something similar, over your speakers when my name lights up.
For that, I must apologize.
You see, I realize now what I was going on. I was so focused on being the best, being top of the scoreboard, that I would rush into rooms, try to get the first kill, get cool kills that I can brag about, raise my K//D so that I can feel accomplished. And it never fails, I'm near the bottom of the board, 11 deaths, 4 kills.
I realize now what I need to do going forward. I am going to work on the faults that I have in game, including my aim (or, more accurately, my tracking) and my situational awareness. More importantly, I need to focus on being a soldier and not a warrior. There is an article here on vVv called Pros Versus Amateurs, which discusses the Warrior/Soldier mentality in competitive games.
Essentially, the Warrior is in it for the fame and glory. They want people to see that they are the best, they live for the excitement of battle and coming out on top. The want the adoration of those around them and the acceptance that follows. The solider, on the other hand, is more focused on winning as a team, no matter how he does himself. This may mean that he is the best, but it may also mean he was the smartest, or the fastest. Fill a team with warriors in Titanfall, and you have 6 people who just want a high kill count and low death count, not winning or losing. Fill a team with Soldiers in Titanfall, and you have a group who will stick together, work together and prevail every singly time.
This whole time, my whole life, I've been a warrior. I talk about me, my accomplishments. I talk about what I accomplished in the original Call of Duty, being ranked 2nd place. Sure, it's a great honor and an acheivement I am proud of. However, why is it I never mention that my team won many tournaments, or that there were many games where a teammate carried us to victory, or that we were a well tuned machine? Because the warrior mentality that I have won't allow me to. It wants you to know what I have done, what I have accomplished. Screw the team, look at me.
I don't want to be a warrior anymore. I want to be a soldier. Late last week and early this week, I had the privilege of playing with vVvFireWater. I played the best I have ever played at this game. We won 90% of the time. I even led the kill counts a few times. I wasn't even trying, I was just having fun, and I was so focused on what Fire was saying: We needed to win. That was what was important. I focused on winning, and I did better. I was a solider.
So, moving forward, I know what my faults are. Tracking and awareness. I will work on those, practice those, all while ensuring my team wins, however we need to win.
Also, I've learned to not get my dog excited over grilled cheese sandwiches...and to wear a cup at all times.
Hello everyone, Shorlong here! I am starting this blog for multiple reasons. But before I get into that, I would like to introduce myself...
(scrolls to introduction post on forums.....finds it....copy.....paste....)
My name is Tim, but you can call me Shorlong. I'm also known as BloodRaven or SevasTra from some older games (namely CoD1, Raven Shield, Ghost Recon 1 and MxO). I've been into video games my whole life, starting with the atari all the way up to now. I currently own only a PC and a PS2 (and a broken 360...) but plan on getting a X1 and a PS4.
I am married to an amazing woman (also a gamer, but not a social gamer) and we have a little zoo (we used to do animal education shows and worked with a local zoo on conservation). I breed carpet pythons and certain species of gecko (mostly day geckos). I am also an independent film maker, focusing on horror films. Finally, I am (obviously) a huge fan of games, and have gone to school for game creation and development, and am looking to pick that back up again.
I also dream of having my own show about games, some sort of news thing (similar to Jess McDonald on gamespot) just giving updates on the games announced or new rumors and reveals, esports updates and the like. Unfortunately, similar to the X1 and PS4, I have to wait on that due to money for a decent camera (I can't rent cameras for that like I do for a film, as the price is outrageous for such a small need. It costs around $1,000 a day to rent a decent camera, vs buying one that would do the job for $500....)
(Decides to write now...)
So, a few other tidbits of information. I play a lot of different game styles. I play DDO (Dungeons & Dragons Online), TERA and LotRO (where I am a guild leader in all three). I also play several single player games (Batman series, Tomb Raider, South Park). I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the Final Fantasy Series, especially Tactics.
So, what are my goals with this blog?
Similar to my youtube channel of the same name, Shorlong Sucks at Games, I am looking to have fun. However, I have loftier goals than that. I also plan to use this space to speak my mind about gaming in general, and also, my aspirations on becoming a pro.
That's right, I want to be a pro. My problem? Well, I'm really not that good. But, I figure if there is a good time to become a pro at a game, it's in the beginning. So, I am trying to hone my craft for Titanfall, and I will use this spot to talk about my progression, as well as give updates on the esports side of things.
So, that's it for now. I am hoping to make this a daily blog (along with my daily videos on my channel.) Thanks everyone for reading!